It is almost 11 years since I
left my home in distasteful circumstances with a vow never to return. It was a
difficult decision and as an emotional young boy I did what I thought then was right.
I had neither made any contact with my dad nor let him know my whereabouts. The
passage of years did little to blunt my anger towards my old man.
By a strange twist of circumstances, I am now on my way to my village
near Kumbakonam. I felt odd and at the same time somewhat tense. As the train chugged
along with intermittent long whistles, I could see on either side green fields
with crops nearly grown and canals of water alongside the fields and farmers
diverting the flowing water into small channels to reach their fields. As
memories of my village gushed through my mind, a pang of guilt arose in me.
I am the only child born to my parents in their early forties. My
mother passed away when I was a young kid and it was my father who brought me
up single handed refusing to marry again. He was a highly principled man and
known for his short temper. After my mom’s demise, he did not mingle much with
the neighbours who were all part of the clan or extended family. He became a
loner seeking no help from others. His world was small and revolved around me.
All the boys and girls of the village studied in schools at Kumbakonam
and usually walked to and fro except for two girls from a wealthy family who
went in bullock carts. I remember even my running behind the carts on a few occasions
to keep up the pace to be in time for the school. Ramu of my age who lived in
the adjacent house was my best pal. Given to playing pranks, he was generally a
pleasant and good guy.
I suspect he became jealous of
me on two counts. I scored more marks than him and this displeased him as his
dad always compared his performance with mine. The bigger reason is one day as
we were running behind the bullock cart that carried the girls and it started
raining, the girls called “Saranga, get into the cart before you get drenched.”
Though I wished to, I did not get into the cart as Ramu was not invited and we
both walked in rain. But Ramu never forgot the slight from the girls and nursed
an unspoken grudge towards me.
A month later around 7pm, when I was saying prayers with my dad, Ramu’s
father came in an agitated mood along with Ramu. Even before we got up from
prayers, Ramu’s dad said “Anna (elder brother), Ramu tells me that Sarangan has
stolen his new geometry box. It seems they were studying together in the
evening at my house and the box is missing ever since. This is a petty loss to
me but I wished to warn you about the boy lest it became a habit with him.”
My father turned towards me and asked” is it true? Did you steal his
geometry box? I want the truth immediately.”
“No, appa. Do you think I would steal and then why would I when I have already
one with me? He must have misplaced it and falsely accusing me.”
“No, uncle. We were working with the instrument box and when we had
finished, I went to kitchen to drink water. When I came back, Sarangan was waiting
at the front door to take leave of me. I noticed only after half hour the box
that lay on the table was missing. None else had come to our house. It does not
matter but my father insisted that I came along with him,” said Ramu.
When Ramu’s father and Ramu looked at me accusingly and I was blinking
dazed by the turn of events, my father became wild in rage and started beating
me all over crying all the time, “Have I wasted all my life on this wretch only
for him to become a petty thief? I have lost all my honour this day. I neither
wish to set my eyes anymore on this thief nor will I permit him stay here. “He grabbed
my hand, dragged me towards the front door and pushed me out. “Never set your
foot again here. You are dead as far as I am concerned, “he screamed in
uncontrollable anger. That night I lay till dawn on the front porch outside
with the main door shut.
Woken up from the reverie, I looked out. The train had stopped at a
small station. One urchin proffered a tender coconut with straw inside. I
gulped the entire content as if it would remove my bitterness to some extent.
My thoughts turned towards my father though I was bitter all these years that
he would rather trust Ramu and his dad than me and condemn me to be a thief.
But the chance meeting with a penitent Ramu three days back at a mall in
Singapore and the news from him of the happenings in the village subsequent to
my running away filled me with endless remorse at my insensitive behavior
towards my father.
It seemed that after I left the village, my father was crestfallen
refusing to take food or even take care of himself and the lands. He was always
repentant at his rash behavior towards me when he learnt that Ramu had confided
to his dad that the geometry box was safe with him and was never stolen at all.
Ramu’s father put the entire blame on himself for the turn of events. All their
efforts to trace me were in vain. From then on, he took upon taking care of my
dad as his total responsibility. Afflicted by the loss of his only son, my dad
became a recluse and psychologically affected. He would it seems address all
boys as Saranga and talk incoherently. For the last three years he has been
acutely afflicted by Alzheimer and utters only my name.
Ramu urged me to leave for village immediately to meet my dad before
his end that was expected anytime. The train now seemed to move at snail’s pace
and I became restless.
I rushed in a taxi from Kumbakonam station to my house. The door was
ajar. I ran inside shouting “Appa, I have come, your Sarangan. Can you
recognize me? “I pleaded with tears swelling in my eyes as my father was lying
on the bed.
Ramu’s father was there. He put
his arms around me and comforted me saying “Please wait. Let us see whether he
recognizes you. You haven’t changed much except grown bigger.”
Meanwhile my father was looking at me intently and I saw a glimmer in
his eyes before he touched my cheeks to say “My Sarangan has come. My god has
at last heard my prayers,”.
I hugged him tightly sobbing “Appa forgive this wretch. I was an
egoistic fool and failed you when you needed me most. Please say once that you
have forgiven me”.”
He stared vacantly at me showing no sign of recognition. Ramu’s father
ran outside and in a few minutes a doctor was at my dad’s bedside only to say
the long waiting soul had flown away. Ramu’s dad drew me towards him and let my
head rest on his shoulders. He waited patiently as I cried inconsolably and
comforted me saying, “Do not grieve, Saranga. Anna has finally found his peace.”