I was on the terrace of a multi-storeyed building that housed my former office. Entering the building was easy; I was laid off only recently and was well-known to the security staff. I looked down at the busy road. The cars, buses, and people looked like tiny ants crawling. The height made me feel giddy if I looked down for too long. My life has been a total failure and will soon end. The fall from over 150 feet would mean instant death—no pain, no agony, and total freedom from worries. I came to this decision after a lot of deliberation. There is no going back.
I was doing a clerical job until they gave me the pink slip last week. Jobs were scarce. I climbed the stairs of many offices and sent applications only to draw a blank. I had taken some loans from friends and others. They pressured me to return the money once they knew I lost my job, turning abusive in their language. I could not take it anymore.
Sita would no doubt be shattered. She had been a good wife, standing by me through thick and thin. Life had been hard for her with my low-paid job and three children. The last one, Neena, just eight years old, was unplanned.. I could not get Sita even a gram of gold after our marriage. She never grumbled. The thought of leaving her with the heavy burden tormented me. The terminal benefit from the job was meagre and would not last long. She was a teacher in a school before marriage and may have to find a job after I am gone.
“Why do you worry so much? I will work as a teacher. You take care of the kids and your aged mom until you get a job. Get out of the depression. Come with me to the Ganesh temple at the end of the road. He will surely show us the way,” Sita had said in the morning.
“Okay, let me visit some offices and give the applications. It seems I have run out of luck. As you wish, we will visit the temple in the evening though I am not hopeful of the outcome," I replied.
“Tut, tut. Stop this whining. You are not the only one to lose the job. Many are yet to find their first job and are much worse off than us. We are not sick. We can find some way. Have faith in God,” she admonished.
Poor thing, she did not know my true financial situation. Many instalments were in arrears for the loan taken by pledging our small house. The private creditors for many small debts would come after me. The bleak job market and my diffidence to face the situation compounded my problems. I love her the most. I love my children. My aged mom dotes on me. I would not like to leave them in misery. But I dread the recovery agents set upon me who wait for me at the end of the road to come out of the house. No, I could not bear the mental torture and am determined to find a permanent solution.
As I stood firmly on the wide parapet wall, I prayed to God to forgive me for the extreme step. As if in answer, a cool wind blew over my face. I looked down. It was no longer scary. But I wished to have one last look at the photo of my wife and kids.
As I fumbled in my pocket, I found a piece of paper folded neatly and addressed to 'Dear Papa' in crayon. It was from my daughter Neena. It read, "Dear Papa, Next week is my birthday. You had promised me a nice dress. I have changed my mind. I do not need it or anything else. It is enough if we all sit together and play Monopoly. It has been a very long time since we did it. That would be my best birthday gift. I love you a lot. Affectionately, Neena."
Tears flowed from my eyes. I instantly decided that I would not take the extreme step but give my life a new try. Suddenly, a big gust of wind hit me forcefully on my face and body, upsetting my balance as I stood on the parapet wall. Screaming, “Neenaa...” in great panic, I fell down. After what seemed like an eternity, I found myself lying on the terrace of the building.
Thanking God for His boundless grace, I rushed home like a madman to find a smiling Sita at the door, waving her hand that held an envelope. I could easily guess from her broad smile that it was an appointment offer. Highly elated at the happy denouement, my mind involuntarily turned to Lord Ganesh.
"No matter how dark the night, the dawn of a new beginning is just a heartbeat away."