by KParthasarathi Thursday, March 27, 2008
http://content.msn.co.in/Contribute/Lifestyle/UCStory6212.htm
Is infidelity an unforgivable sin? Should it be avenged only by murder? The recent news report of the murder of a wife for alleged continued affair with someone else followed by suicide of the husband sets one thinking whether a different response was possible. Could he not have sought a break up of marriage on grounds of adultery instead of giving vent to extreme anger? After all in any marriage one cannot rule out the possibility of distaste for each other or total incompatibility of the couple leading to extra marital relationship.Marraiges can be failures despite all the care from one side. Divorce is the only remedy in such cases and not murder.
There can be no two opinions that infidelity is wrong and unacceptable despite its widespread prevalence today. Such an act of betrayal is shattering to the victim and cuts at the very root of commitment to one another and robs the relationship of the sense of trust and love. It would be very difficult to reconcile and live together thereafter except in cases of compelling economic reasons, social pressures from the family or the fear of hurting the future of children.
The responses would no doubt vary depending upon who the victim of betrayal is whether wife or husband. Where the husband and wife are young and qualified without children, the best course would be to separate and seek divorce. Papering the crack hardly helps. The suspecting party should work diligently to get the damning evidence against the cheater. Murder and suicides are no solution.It is a weak answer to the problem. A new life with a new partner can be started afresh with the bitter incident fading away from memory. In some cases the cause for post marital relationship with someone else may due to some inadequacy. Long periods of neglect or absence of love and affection would drive the deprived into the hands of someone offering the same. Where the couples suspect cooling of relationship, they should discuss and analyze the reasons there for to salvage the marriage in time, if possible
The problem arises where both are middle aged with children. Some may be financially well off and some not be. No easy answer is possible. There can be genuine remorse at the sin committed under unintended and unplanned circumstances with the promise that such lapses would not occur again. Such cases are very rare. Any amount of assurance by the adulterer is generally of little value in inspiring confidence and the cheater in most cases would only tend to be more secretive in his/her amoral adventures. Some victims particularly women may cry hoarse, be angry and throw tantrums for a while but get reconciled to their miserable lot. A few would never forgive and may live in the same house for the sake of children but without any physical relationship with the adulterer.Pretty difficult no doubt. Otherwise how do we account for so many men having mistresses openly and are none the worse for it? It is only women who tolerate such deviations while men would under no circumstance permit an adulterous wife to live with him.
This is a pretty tough situation to deal with and the reactions would naturally be different.
kpartha12@hotmail.com
http://content.msn.co.in/Contribute/Lifestyle/UCStory6212.htm
Is infidelity an unforgivable sin? Should it be avenged only by murder? The recent news report of the murder of a wife for alleged continued affair with someone else followed by suicide of the husband sets one thinking whether a different response was possible. Could he not have sought a break up of marriage on grounds of adultery instead of giving vent to extreme anger? After all in any marriage one cannot rule out the possibility of distaste for each other or total incompatibility of the couple leading to extra marital relationship.Marraiges can be failures despite all the care from one side. Divorce is the only remedy in such cases and not murder.
There can be no two opinions that infidelity is wrong and unacceptable despite its widespread prevalence today. Such an act of betrayal is shattering to the victim and cuts at the very root of commitment to one another and robs the relationship of the sense of trust and love. It would be very difficult to reconcile and live together thereafter except in cases of compelling economic reasons, social pressures from the family or the fear of hurting the future of children.
The responses would no doubt vary depending upon who the victim of betrayal is whether wife or husband. Where the husband and wife are young and qualified without children, the best course would be to separate and seek divorce. Papering the crack hardly helps. The suspecting party should work diligently to get the damning evidence against the cheater. Murder and suicides are no solution.It is a weak answer to the problem. A new life with a new partner can be started afresh with the bitter incident fading away from memory. In some cases the cause for post marital relationship with someone else may due to some inadequacy. Long periods of neglect or absence of love and affection would drive the deprived into the hands of someone offering the same. Where the couples suspect cooling of relationship, they should discuss and analyze the reasons there for to salvage the marriage in time, if possible
The problem arises where both are middle aged with children. Some may be financially well off and some not be. No easy answer is possible. There can be genuine remorse at the sin committed under unintended and unplanned circumstances with the promise that such lapses would not occur again. Such cases are very rare. Any amount of assurance by the adulterer is generally of little value in inspiring confidence and the cheater in most cases would only tend to be more secretive in his/her amoral adventures. Some victims particularly women may cry hoarse, be angry and throw tantrums for a while but get reconciled to their miserable lot. A few would never forgive and may live in the same house for the sake of children but without any physical relationship with the adulterer.Pretty difficult no doubt. Otherwise how do we account for so many men having mistresses openly and are none the worse for it? It is only women who tolerate such deviations while men would under no circumstance permit an adulterous wife to live with him.
This is a pretty tough situation to deal with and the reactions would naturally be different.
kpartha12@hotmail.com
Unfortunately, women in our society are conditioned to tolerate abuse and very few people ( men or women ) have the moral courage to question what society dictates.
ReplyDeletemurder is no solution to any problem.
you have expressed both the points so clearly.
thanks for writing this outstanding post.