On the brink

I was on the terrace of a 14 floor building that housed my former office.There was no difficulty in entering the building as I was thrown out of my job only recently six weeks back and I am known well to security..I looked down at the busy road.The cars, buses and people looked tiny crawling like ants.It gave giddiness when I looked down for long.My life has been a total failure and would soon come to an end.The fall from over 150 feet would mean instant death, no pain and no agony.Total freedom from worries.I have come to this decision after a lot of deliberation.There is no going back.

I had no professional skill.I was doing clerical job in the accounts department till they gave the pink slip..Jobs were not aplenty.I climbed the stairs of countless number of offices only to draw a blank.I had taken some loans from friends and others.They started pressurizing once they knew I lost my job.They have become abusive in their language.I wish to put an end to this misery and can think of no other way.

Sita would no doubt be shattered.A good wife she had been and stood by me through thick and thin.Life had been hard for her with my low paid job and three children.The last one Neena just seven years was unplanned and an accident.I have never been able to get for Sita even a gram of gold after her marriage to me.She never grumbled.The thought of leaving her with the burden hurt me.The terminal benefit that was not much after adjusting for the loans taken would not last long.She was a teacher in a school before marriage and may have to find a job after I am gone.

“Why do you worry so much?If you do not get the job, I will work as a teacher.You take care of the kids and your aged mom.Get out of the depression.Come with me to the Ganesh temple at the end of road.He will surely show us the way” Sita had said in the morning.

“Let me visit some offices.We can go in the evening to the temple.Sorry Sita I have become useless.”I had said

“Tut, tut.Stop this whining.You are not the only one to lose the job.There are so many who have not even got their first job and much worse than us.We are not sick.We can find some way.Have faith in God”she admonished

Poor thing,she did not know my whole financial situtaion.Loan taken on the small flat for which instalments are in arrears,the private creditors after me,the bleak job market and above all my diffidence to face the situation.I love her most.I love my children.My aged mom dotes on me.I would not like to leave them. But I dread the recovery agents set upon me who wait for me to come out of the house.No,I cannot bear the mental torture.

As I stood on the parapet wall, the cool wind blew over my face. I looked down.It was no longer scary.But I wished to have one last look at the photo of my wife and the kids.As I fumbled in my pocket for it I found a paper from a school note book folded neatly addressed to Dear Papa in crayon.It was from my daughter Neena.I opened it”Dear Papa,Next week is my birthday.You had promised a Teddy bear.I have changed my mind.I do not need it or anything.It is enough if we all sit together and play.It is very long since we did it.That would be my birthday gift.I love you most.Affectionately Neena”

Tears flowed from my eyes.I instantly decided that I would not take the extreme step but give my life a try.Suddenly there was a big gust of wind upsetting my balance and I fell down off the ledge.”Neenaaaa….” I shouted as I fell down.When I opened my eyes after what seemed an eternity I found I was lying on the terrace.Thanking God,I rushed home like a mad man to be with Sita and my children.

kpartha12@gmail.com