A Sincere Penitence (909)words)

The body of Nataraj was laid on the floor. Rose garlands and wreaths of multi-coloured flowers adorned his inert figure. The hall was filled with many grieving friends and relatives. The priest had commenced the ceremonies for final departure. Smoke was coming out of an earthen pot from a corner. Nataraj’s only son, who was wearing wet clothes, was standing with tearful eyes and complying with instructions from the priest. Nataraj’s wife sat huddled in a corner, her sobs muffled by the soft murmurs of the women trying to console her. 

When I entered the hall I could sense the coldness in the air- the derision in the eyes, the simmering anger beneath the grief and the hate in the looks at me of the close relatives and friends of Nataraj assembled there. I was expecting this. After all, I had betrayed Nataraj most unforgivably. I still came—because today wasn’t just about Nataraj’s death alone; it was a manifestation of my deep remorse; it was about closure for both of us.

 I wish to tell you briefly about my close friendship with the deceased and how we fell apart. We weren’t just friends; we were like brothers. We worked together in low-paying jobs for years, sharing everything. It was Nataraj who had the foresight to start a business together. He was highly intelligent and all the ideas, plans, and strategies—were from his brilliant mind. I looked after only the finance and execution part. He had immense trust in me. We pooled our meagre resources and took out a loan, and soon, the business flourished beyond our expectations.

It was then the devil took over my mind. In my greed, I siphoned off each month by fudging accounts for some portion of our income to my wife’s brother. When Nataraj became aware of my treachery and deceit, he was more disappointed than worried about the loss. He decided then and there to disassociate with me forever. He quietly took his share of the small net worth then without any fight and never spoke to me again.

I repented for my mistake and sought his pardon many times only to be rebuffed. I had requested him to join again and take control of finances also. But he did not relent though he never made good in life thereafter. Life was no more luxurious for him. If my business grew to such a phenomenal size this day, it was all because of the seed sown by him and the tremendous start he gave.

The ceremony was over and the body draped in a new shroud was ready to leave for the crematorium. A few friends spoke of the nice qualities of his head and heart and particularly of his integrity and honesty in all his dealings. My guilty conscience made me feel these references were aimed at me. As I rose to speak, I became aware of the air of embarrassment and unpleasantness in the hall. The tension in the faces of Nataraj’s wife and son was clear.

Nevertheless, I spoke in slow voice.” I am aware you might be wondering why I came at all here and why I rose to speak after the bitterness in our relationship caused by me. Though we broke up, I had always considered Nataraj as my close friend and had the same regard for him as when we started working together. I made a grievous and unpardonable mistake and caused a betrayal of the immense trust he had in me but repented sincerely for it and sought his forgiveness. But he would not accept me after the incident.

 I wish to divulge on this occasion, not in extenuation for my wrongdoings, that I still considered him as a partner and as an atonement for the grievous wrong on my part, I set apart his share of money each year in a trust of which his wife and son are the sole trustees. I have no connection to it. It has grown into a sizable amount and is engaged in charitable activities.”

At this juncture, the hall was silent, the once-hostile eyes had now softened with surprise. I gathered my courage for the final words and continued,” I had hoped that our bonds of friendship would be cemented further as we had a girl and a boy. Though this is not the appropriate moment to talk about it, I feel If God wills the two families can still get together again. I would request Mrs. Nataraj to forgive me and accept me back as a family friend notwithstanding all that had happened..”

Having said that I wiped the tears from my eyes and felt that the heaviness in my heart had gone and I felt lighter than ever. Though I wasn’t certain how those present received my speech, I felt the palpable tension in the hall had lightened.

When Nataraj’s wife beckoned me to her side and said,” Do not grieve. My husband always mentioned that you were a good person and whatever you did was just an aberration. He had forgiven you long back. Do not feel sorry.”

The unexpected remark from her, like a soothing balm, brought immense relief and a deep sense of peace. Nataraj, even in death, had given me the gift of redemption. Though he was gone, the bond between us had been mended in the way he would have eventually wanted—with forgiveness and hope for the future.