Thursday, February 6, 2025

A journey that was too short (359 words)

After a hard day's work, I was returning to my room by the fast local. it would be 9 pm by the time I reached my place. As it would be too late to cook, I decided to have my dinner from the roadside 'Dhaba’. They make tasty food no doubt and at affordable rates though they recycle the used oil till it gets exhausted.

My parents were looking for a suitable match for me and the photos of a few they sent did not enthuse me. Though not aiming at a drop-down stunner, I was not prepared to settle for a plain looking Jane.

The train was crowded but I managed to secure a seat. Still, the oppressive humidity, the hot breaths of passengers close to me, and the body odour from their perspiration made the journey extremely uncomfortable. Just as I reached for my handkerchief to cover my nose, I turned to my right and what I saw made my heart skip a beat. Such beauty, such perfection in creation- no sight can be more captivating. I forgot my handkerchief but adjusted my sitting posture to enjoy an uninterrupted view for the rest of the journey.

There was a faint smile at the corner of her lips and her eyes twinkled as a stray strand of hair curled insouciantly on her forehead. She wore a sleeveless blouse and a thin yellow saree was draped carelessly over her chest and shoulder. I could tell she was looking at me from the corner of her eyes, her gaze unmistakable and unhidden. This emboldened me to gaze at her uninterrupted except for short breaks to avoid disapproving stares from other passengers at my crude ogling. I had four more stations to go and wished that the train travelled slower yearning to feel the slight touch of her skin.

When the train stopped at the next station, the passenger seated beside me abruptly stood up closing the glossy colourful fashion magazine that had featured her on the centre fold. In that instant, my dreamy interlude came to a sudden end and the nauseating odour started assailing my nose with a vengeance. 

26 comments:

  1. Didn't know so much creativity could be packed in just 359 words! A lovely, breezy story that speaks volumes about the writer! I long to read the author's stories!

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    1. Surely, KP has an e book 'The Wait at the Railway Station' , a collection if finer short stories avbl on Amazon

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  2. A charming and lighthearted story that perfectly captures the magic of fleeting moments. The subtle humour and warmth make it a delightful read
    A sweet and relatable glimpse into those small but memorable everyday moments!

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  3. Hahahahaha 👌🏽 -Meka

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  4. Intriguing story. Did not get bored at all,,,,, Sandhya

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  5. What just hit me! A wicked twist... Lovely story:)

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  6. Beauty is ephemeral although its lowering effect on the plain is permanent. (JJ)

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  7. Such a nice, true-to-life story! And yes, it brought a smile to the lips, esp as the author began feeling the oppressive odours around him! --Thangam

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  8. Very good story. Ramakrishnan.

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  9. Trust you to create such a twist, can well imagine how disappointed you would have been. Beautifully narrated as always.

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  10. You are great writing short stories with good twists You are very good at it 👏👏👏👏

    Chitra

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  11. Wow! Loved the story. So much is said in so little words. ☺️ You are an amazing wordsmith ☺️

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  12. Excellent. Could not guess the suspense at the end.

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  13. Your description of the lady is unbelievably super. Situations created appeared real. Your narrative of how a young man behaves when young ladies are around is also real. Super. Regards PKR

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  14. Very cute and clever indeed! Bravo! Arvind Rajan

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  15. Lol...the playboy twist!!! Enjoyed this kuttu story!

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  16. Your story painted a vivid, movie-like scene, making the hero’s disappointment feel real as reality sank in. The funny twist was brilliant, and the narration was excellent!

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  17. Vintage KP Sir! Excellent! More please

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  18. ".....but adjusted my sitting posture to enjoy an uninterrupted view for the rest of the journey......". "my dreamy interlude came to a sudden end, and the nauseating odour started assailing my nose with a vengeance." What a brilliant twist so often we come across in small journeys. Wonderfully narrated. You have the pulse of the people around you !

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  19. The juxtaposition of fantasy and reality is brilliantly done.

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  20. A lovely story with an anticlimax at the end! Atin Biswas

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  21. What a delightful twist! Just when I thought the protagonist had found his dream girl on the train, it turns out she was merely a magazine cover. A fun reminder that not everything is as it seems.

    Srikanth

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  22. A good take on the age-old dilemma of arranged marriage versus the allure of fleeting beauty. It's a good reminder that appearances can be deceiving.. Also sometimes our perceptions are dependent on our own desires than reality, is it not?

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  23. Rama Sampath Kumar:A narrative with a lovely flow of words. Living in an imaginary world can be exciting and bring joy , even though temporarily! Life to the protagonist here is an imagination of the things he wants in the real life.
    But hopefully he will be very careful not to let this fake imagination impact on his real life which is a world apart from this! So well written and till the end made me think really a pretty young lady was seated next to him giving him several moments of pleasure!

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  24. Short and Sweet Story Sir.🙏

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