Friday, October 2, 2009

Does marriage retain its charm for women?

This is not a short story.Just a thought to invite the views of readers on the subject
I read in The Week that 51% of the American women are living without husbands. This percentage perhaps would need correction as it possibly included women whose husbands are working elsewhere or in Jail or female students above 15 . The point that was stressed that the percentage of women living without male companion is significant and is going up. The situation in India cannot be different though the percentage may be lower given its culture and customs. However the days are gone when women end up immediately after the school or college education as a wife getting married to a man. In the earlier days our society was such there was the parental and social pressure towards matrimony. Single woman were viewed with disfavour and suspicion. The women reconciled themselves to the status of a home maker ,an euphemism for an unpaid worker or a drudge, tending after the children, washing clothes, cooking, cleaning and doing all jobs that men loathed. The women were also not allowed to study beyond a point in the patriarchal society we lived.
All these are history now with women making giant strides in education and competing with men in the work place. Still the percentage of women beyond a graduation level is significantly low compared to male students.. There are only very few women competing in engineering, medical, IITs and IIMs with men when you remember that at the higher secondary level percentage of girls are equal or more in number than boys. Besides the women students compared favorably with male students in merit at that stage. The drop could only be due to the economic reasons along with the tradition of giving primacy to son’s education and daughter's marriage.
Be that as it may, it is a fact that large number of women are today economically strong with well paid jobs and independent income in all strata of society. They are not dependent on parents or husbands any more. They are free to do what they like and shape their lives as it pleases them. Getting shackled to a man thro marriage is not viewed as a priority. The work place and social circles offer them male companionship and even live-in relationships to such of those who need it..
It is only when they get into thirties they may contemplate to settle down. In such conditions the role of husband as bread winner with woman playing a subordinate role is passé. He is expected to share the household chores as much as the wife. There are even role reversal when wives go on tour or husbands stay at home. Wives are not afraid of seeking divorce where the marriages do not work out. Marriage viewed as a long term institution or a sacred bond has become fragile and requires considerable tolerance and give and take on both sides to succeed.The awe and fear that inlaws imposed on girls is also a vanishing feature atleast in the educated and employed classes.
Women have found that remaining single is not the end of the world and life can be as much exciting and enjoyable. With the advent of liberalization, rise in standard of living and increased job availability, the number of educated single women with steady income would only grow though it may not assume the proportions of the Western countries. How this phenomenon would affect the fabric of society eventually remains to be seen..


  1. A woman remaining single can either be too beautiful or too ugly.

    When a woman is single and doesn't crave for male companionship at any cost, she is truly admirable and is a beautiful rose in this society.

    But at the same time when a woman remains single and craves for male companionship only for satisfying her lustful needs and as a passing cloud relationships without being wanted to be committed, she turns out to be the ugliest creature. Because she will get into affairs with married men, break families, spoil the life of innocent kids and so on.

    I've seen women like that. They want male companionship, male security and don't want to be committed. Ugliest creatures.

    Being committed to one person is not shackling one self.

  2. hmm...women's lib? celibacy?

    preferences i guess, but that's how our society is turning into, much of a liberal thought!


  3. "Naangam thalmuraiyai paar navithanum chithappan Aavaan"

    Even this shall pass :)

  4. vry, thought provoking views have been laid by u dis the case here many not b true wid respect to all..though women dese days are becoming more n more self-dependent,the situation is no more like earlier days, where for every single penny women had to bow be4 her husband, whom she was married by parental still ,inspite of this liberal change, sumwhere we can see dat dre is an urge for true companionship,though she has acquired the right to chose for herself...nd as u said it mite b in later period of life,but this can't completely chnage the meaning of sacred relationship called marriage for her..still we can see ,the charm of marriage for her,though it mite b in the later period of we can't justify saying dat women hav strted drifting away from their commitments..

  5. I guess marriage still retains it's charm. It would be wrong to have this dichotomy between marriage's charm for men and women. Both men and women have a different perspective now. I guess, the change is positive. The men know that they can't and shouldn't treat their wife like shit and the women know what to do if they are ill-treated. I see nothing bleak about the situation.

  6. Dear Partha,
    Why marraige should retain its its charm only for women?not for men?
    On the auspicious day of GANDHI JAYANTHI,why can't we talk about teh measures to fight against corruption?why not the strongest measure of non vilolence?why not the great principles left by the great person?
    ok,but it is a matter of choice!no offence!
    when the single lady shares the bed,she becomes the ugliest!and the man turns out to be the most handsome!what a philosophy!a man can break the family,can cause nervous breakdowns!no issues.wah!
    there is no trust,no love,no understanding.when your beloved does dirty you prefer to be alone.
    you know what,now people believe in romance without passion.they are known as asexual.they believe in love without lust.
    away from all these i enjoy the religious serials,the trust,the strong understanding,the long waiting take me to a beautiful world.
    a spy camera spoils the present day life giving heart attacks!
    we all need peace n happiness,single,double nothing matters!but lucky are they,sure who has found the soul mate!and marriage is the most beautiful relation!i feel like writing along essay...............:)
    have a wonderful night!and my comment is dedicated to the most beautiful creation of GOD-WOMAN!:)

  7. Dear KP,
    The present scenario, globalisation & privatisation which has enabled mnc's to play a major part in our country's economic growth and the increase in the per capita income of any indivudual,be it male or female.. Thus womans opportunities & individuality has definitely increased,and with that their approach toward relations also have changed as described in ur post, but i believe its only to a small percentage,the secret in any relationship is love & trust between them,When this graph has ups & downs ,any lady be it a CEO or a home maker can get induldged in new relations.But the curent situation creates a thought in the woman where she decides in haste to walk out, as she is independent and thus adding to the percentage.

    [But behind the screens i strongly believe women like to be in the safe arms of a man feeling secure & loved.]

  8. Life teaches us a lesson and gives us something new every single day..its for us to realise and understand it. Some people feel the need for change and some are happy the way they are...but companionship is essential in both cases..I refuse to believe those who say that they are not in a need of a companion.
    Marriage is a different colour that life attains after reaching maturity, it gives life a different meaning and all together a different goal and a way of living.
    Each part and phase of life is essential, The imp part is that each phase of life shd be lived in the best way possible, so that it makes our life worthwhile.

  9. I personally think that other than teenagers, no one is crazy about marriage any more, neither men nor women. The ones who lust, both male and female, remain that way even after marriage. The ones who are clean, both men and women, stay clean even without marriage.
    And, love does not require marriage.

  10. Really a thought provoking post!

    Yes.. As us said, women in present generation has come a long way when compared to the ones in couple of decades ago...

    It's mainly because of the factor 'Education' to which the present generation girls are exposed to...

    But I feel that the marraiges still have its shine in our state atleast... Still girls consider it as precious than any other thing... Hope that this will not change until we guys do not take advantage of it to do some mischives....